Planning a 1st Birthday

I am in the midst of planning a first birthday party for my sweet little man.  I am going with an Elmo/Sesame Street theme.  I think I'm going to pull my hair out before this is over.  I realized that I absolutely hate planning birthday parties.  I mean I enjoy them, I just don't like planning my own. I would love to ask for some help but I don't like burdening people so I always take everything on myself which leads to a lot of stress for me.  But hey, it doesn't have to be perfect.  It just has to be a few hours of fun, right?  We will see.  I will post pics after the party but until then, here are some pics I've used to get me started with the theme.  Feel free to snag them for yourself.  Just right click the pic and save it to your computer.  Then you can edit it to say whatever you'd like it to say.  Wish me luck with the party!

I love this image!  I'm using it on plain yellow paper sack bags to jazz them up for goody bags.

This is my invitation.  I edited all of the existing word out on paint!  AH.  That was awful.  So here is a nice clean image to insert your text on.

A fun elmo face. 

I printed a thank you message on this little square that I'm going to throw inside the goody bags. 

Again, if you wish to use any of the images feel free.  Just right click and save it to your computer.  After that find the image on your computer (I save my to the desktop so it's easy to find) and right click it again.  Then click "edit" and there you go!

End of the month coupon clean up!

Well, it's the 30th. That means cleaning out my coupon binder. I must say this is the least exciting part of couponing but the more organized you are the more money you will save. So go look through you coupons and get rid of the expired ones. Don't fret over unused coupons either because I can guarantee you will see the exact same coupons or better ones come through the paper or online. First of the month means most coupons reset online. So get ready to fire up that printer. I know I'm excited. Happy couponing!

Current project

So I am super excited to have crochet projects to give away. This blankie is for a dear friend who is having a baby girl. It matches a cute little dress I already finished. I am so loving this yarn. I had been eyeing it for a month but the price wasn't quite right until a couple of weeks ago. I was so excited. I have a baby hat in mind as well after I finish the blanket. I will post the finished project when everything is done.

Moving forward

I never knew it would be so difficult to admit when it's time to let a friendship/relationship go.  When you get to the point where the relationship is hurting you more than helping you.  I desire to be a follower of Christ and that relationship seemed to always drag me back into the mud.  I know I can't stay there.  I know that being involved with that person/people will only put me back in a place I'm trying so hard to get away from.  I just want to be a follower of Christ.  I hate that I can't take everyone with me on this journey.  It sucks.  It really sucks.  I want so much to just get through to them.  But after all these years I think I'm ready to admit I can't.  It's not to say I won't ever interact with them again.  I mean, I kind of have to in a way.  I'm just saying that I won't put myself in a position to be brought down again.

I don't like the way I am when these people are around.  I don't like what they deliberately try to bring out of me.  It's so sad.  I can never be the person I'm striving to be.  I will always be that person with the past.  You know?  My past will never allow me to be a better person in their eyes.  It just saddens me to see how these people continue to act.  I mean, as followers of Christ we are supposed to turn the other cheek, right?  But I know the Lord doesn't want us to be used and abused either, right?  I'm so drained by it all.  I just feel like all of me has been sucked right out of my ears or something.

Aren't the people who love you supposed to show that?  Why then do these people take any chance to hit below the belt?  I don't understand.  I really am so confused.  I guess the fact they are family doesn't change much.  I guess when you feel threatened you lash out even if it is family.  I feel wounded.  Like I have a deep cut in my stomach.  It hurts so much.  But I'm not surprised either.  I think that's what makes it worse too.  I'm not surprised by these turn of events from these people.  And I bet I could even predict the "I'm sorry".  (Usually two days after the incident.) Although this time I think it will be another "Well you did...." fill in the blank. I'm over it.  I'm almost 30 years old and my family still treats me like a door mat. I have children of my own and I don't want them to grow up with all this drama and nonsense in their lives. I think it's time for me to love them from afar and mean it.  It just hurts.  To know that people just don't change sometimes.

I pray that I won't be so stubborn that I will refuse to change what the Lord is asking me to change.  Because God will change you.  Whether we do it willingly or not.  If He has to force us into submission, He will change us.  I want to do so willingly.  I don't want to be hard headed or stubborn to the point of my own demise.

Forgiveness

So I will be the first to admit, forgiveness is hard.  Especially when you feel so strongly as though you didn't do anything wrong.  But "look deeper" is what I hear the Lord telling me. Did I really do nothing wrong? My intentions may have been to help the situation but was I really helping the situation by getting involved in the first place?  Even thought the other person may have shoved me into the situation by talking about me behind my back?  The only reason I even found out is because I was told by someone else.  So I know now that I should have just let it roll off my back.  The Lord said we would face all kinds of various trials and we shouldn't be surprised by it.  So to get emotional and try to get my word in is only sinning.  I read a great article today by John Piper. “Forgive Us Our Debts as We Forgive Our Debtors” The Lord really convicted me.  I know that I need to be the peacemaker.  I know that without one shadow of a doubt.  It's so hard.  Life period is so hard.  I want nothing more than to represent the Lord the way he deserves to be represented. I pray that the Lord will help me with my unforgiveness towards the person in question.  I pray that I can get over the fact that I feel right and didn't do anything wrong. I pray that the Lord with help me to keep my mouth shut.  It hurts to be wronged.  Especially by people who claim to really love you.  But in the end we cannot change people.  Only the Lord can.  I can't make people be fair to me or treat me right.  The Lord is the only person who can cause people to be loving, kind and honest.  I can't do that.  I can only be a witness for Christ.  I can only reflect Christ so much that the people I am around with wonder what's up and seek God for an answer.  I need to continue to die to myself every single day, hour, minute and second.  And I need to do this with such a grateful heart because God DIED for me.  He straight up died for me!!!  This person who can't even forgive others without complaining!  Jesus didn't complain.  He didn't cry and whine and stomp His feet. He took death on for me.  But not just for me, for every single human being if we just get over ourselves and believe in Him.  I have such a long way to go but I pray that the Lord will never give up on me.